Lollipop

Things not to say:

- It was for the best
- At least you know you can get pregnant.
- Something was probably wrong with it.
- Maybe God knows you are not ready to have children.
- Take my kids for an afternoon, and I promise you won't be so sad about losing the baby.
- Be glad. Having a baby changes your life; think of all the fun things you wouldn't have been able to do anymore.
- It wasn't a real baby.
- You're young. You'll get pregnant again.
- It happens all the time; it's nothing to worry about.
- At least your baby wasn't very old.
- It wasn't meant to be.
- It probably happened because ______________.
- At least you can concentrate on more important things now.
- You can have another.
- These things happend for a reason.
- You should wait now.
- Did they say it was anything you'd done?
- She probably doesn't have time for you, she's got a kid.
- At least you have your cats.

Plus, it's okay for ME to say any of these things but it's not okay for someone else to say them. If I have said any of these things it's usually to stop other people talking or to stop them feeling awkward, I have and would never mean it.

Right things to say:

- So sorry you lost your child?!?!
- I'm here for you.
- I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through.
- I am so sorry for your loss, I know how much you wanted that baby.

Sometimes no words are needed, just a hug or a touch can say a thousand words. I'll know if you mean it. I know that a lot of the people who have said the above things are in no way spiteful but that doesn't stop it being the wrong thing to say. The amazing thing is, these things haven't been said by people who don't know any better, they've been said by my friends and mostly by my family. The important thing to understand is that people don't want to brush away or "forget" what's happened to them. If someone's mum died, you wouldn't say "maybe it was for the best", or "at least you've still got your dad". It's the same in this instance.

I will not even for a second be happy until I have my baby in my arms and I will never get over the loss of my first child. I've never been part of a real family and anyone who can't understand that I need this can easily be cut out of my life. I don't care about my career and I don't care if people judge me. I don't care if people think i'm doing the wrong thing, if you knew me well enough or cared about how I felt at all, you'd know that isn't the case.